Saturday, May 16, 2009

Pizzalog #1

As most of you know, I deliver pizza to pay the bills. Like many jobs that have person-to-person interaction, sometimes weird things happen. I'm sure that many of my friends get sick of my stories because they all start like this: "One day, when I was delivering pizza...". I recently realized that you, my blogging friends, rarely get to hear these stories. I have many in my archived memories (which I often have a hard time retrieving, ask the husband) so over the rest of my time working pizza I will try to remember all of my wonderful stories and share them with you. We'll start with the most recent.


Last night, I was delivering pizza. Our store closes at 1 on Friday nights, and around midnight we got a call for an order close by. It's a good neighborhood, and it was my order to deliver. Hoping for a good tip, I packed up the pizzas, breadsticks and the Diet Coke and headed out the door. I got to the house within 20 minutes from the time they called (this is normal for us). Picking up the credit card slip for them to sign, a pen, and all their food I headed to the door. I knocked. Waited. Knocked again a little louder. Waited. (After working pizza for 2 years, it's easy to tell if anyone is coming or if anyone is there. Sometimes people order pizza then run to the gas station to get a soda or whatever. Or they order while on their way home and we beat them.) At this house, the main light was on and I knew someone had to be home or they would be back soon. I rang the doorbell. Waited. Knocked again, long and hard. No response. The next step in this case is to call the number that they called from. I did this 3 times with no answer. I called the store at which I work to ask the manager whether to bring the pizzas back or what to do. He said to try knocking again. Leaving the food in the car and taking only the credit card I went to the door again. This time as I neared the door I noticed that their blinds were up a little bit so I peeked in. I was suprised when I saw a woman asleep on the couch. Knowing she was there I knocked and knocked and rang the doorbell. Peeking in, I found she was still asleep. Laughing, I called the manager again to ask what to do. He told me to step inside and try to wake her with my voice. "Okay," I said, "I'll call you back." I opened the door and said, "Ma'am?" No response. Not even a twitch of the hand. "Ma'am, your pizza is here," I said a little louder. She snored a little louder. Standing there in shock I decided to touch her hand, thinking that would surely wake her up. It didn't. I squeezed. I patted. I practically yelled trying to wake her up. Nothing. By this time I'm thinking this is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me.
I called the manager again, who in turn called the store owner. Since she had paid with a credit card the debate was whether to leave the pizza inside the door or bring it back to the store. While I was waiting I decided to get a head start back to the store. But they told me to leave it there so I turned around and went back. Peeking inside, I saw she was still asleep so I knocked. Peeked again and saw her hand twitch. This was the first movement I'd seen of her the whole time (including when I touched her). I knocked again hard and continuously for about 10 seconds. Peeked in yet again and she had moved off the couch! A few seconds later she came to the door, completely out of it. I hand her the credit card slip and ask her to sign it and she sets it on the couch and takes the pen and food to the kitchen. She came back about 20 seconds later with a piece of pizza in her hand. "Do you know where the thing to sign is?" I respond, "I think you dropped it on the couch." She goes back in the kitchen. Thinking she doesn't have a clue what I said I stepped in and grabbed the slip. "It's right here, ma'am." Handing it to her, I pointed out the spot to sign and the spot to write the total. When I got it back, she had slashed out the tip line, written 4.00 on the total line, wrote the total (the wrong total, adding the tip completely wrong) on the signature line, and signing where the delivery persons id is supposed to go.

Amazing.

5 comments:

Mel said...

HAHAHA! dude your so creepy. can you imagine if she had woken up while you were in her house holding her hand??!! You coulda died.

fezzik said...

Oh, dear heavens. I am sitting here laughing on the ground. Hilarious.

kollers said...

Oh my heck. . .That is hilarious! She must have been one tired woman!!!!

fern said...

why in the world did she order pizza if she was sooo tired??- or was it the wrong house ..... hmmmm

Steph said...

i laughed so much while i was reading this. This is the best i think (so far).